“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task,
since it consists principally in dealing with men.”
I start this writing with a quote written by Joseph Conrad. I am just trying to understand what it means. Yeah,, those words change my perspective on man and love for future man of mine. As a woman I realize that love makes us flustered sometimes. Since we fall for love, we mostly take what we need to do into account. We start being fastidiously about something, such appearance, demeanor, manner of speaking, and many more. Those are not hypocrisy, but a bit distant from honesty, then failure addressing me to different understanding of loving. It tells me a fact that when we truly in love with the right man in the right time, our hearts are actually convinced that loving is enough for love itself. Since loving is not only a compromise of hearts but a commitment of lovers that love should not move to tears.
Honestly, even I wish that love will always mean happiness, but I am not deeply aware about the essence of love from a woman to a man. How woman should compromise her heart if she falls in love? Sometimes, I did a foolish justification for my feeling of a fact that woman has the right to confess her love to a man after her heart. A justification for my only thought that woman should not be waiting for miracle of love, but she should turn her feeling to an action, or she will only give up striving against her feeling that finally move to pain after a long-waiting. I am mad of thinking why woman should be waiting for so long.
I found another quote written by Anais Nin that makes me think what kind of man I wish to live with. “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage, or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” I start having high expectation on man whom I believe will completely complete my life. I’m really aware that as woman who seeks for a heart, a sincere heart of a lover, I need a man who knows me in my weakness and strength, in sorrow and felicity, and in confusion and conviction. He whom I wish would be the one I spend the rest of my life with and would at least know me for what I’m worth. I need a man who doesn’t not only want to carry me off, but a man who wants to do it.
In my odysseys, I know that God let me knowing various characters of man. I met the good, ugly, friendly, sloppy, wild, strong, and kind-hearted men. He also let me work my ratio and heart together to appraise them, I finally found that all. Till I come to a consideration to think of the right man for dropping my heart in.